Wednesday, 5 July 2017

Stop The World...We're Getting Off For The Weekend

I am on Day 6 of an 8 day stretch at work this week. I'm mentally prepared, it's the same every Summer in this job, that's ok because it's only this busy for a short few months and then it slows down a bit and we catch our breath.
I can deal with this, 9 years now and I'm well used to it. 

At 4 years old, Luke really notices it though, he asked me this morning how many more days until I have no work and I tell him 2 more mornings of leaving the house while hes still in his pjs and arriving back just before he gets back into those pjs and I'm all his. 

It's tough on me to hear that, but not as tough as it was the first Summer I worked after he was born, not as tough as it was the second time either. I can cope, I've finally managed to appease that niggly old friend of mine, Mother's Guilt, for a while. I've become matter of fact, this is the way it needs to be right now, not forever but for now. Knowing we have a plan in place to change our circumstances over the next couple of years gives me a sense of security and slight content because in my head it allows me to get through the hard days at work and the long days away from my boy.

I'm off this weekend and I had great plans to do the ironing, sort out the hot press, do the gardening, visit some friends,....but then I saw his little face this morning, so accepting and understanding of the fact that he still has to wait another 2 days before his Mum is his for a while, I thought feck it. This weekend is about us, whatever that may be, even if we don't do anything in particular we're going to do it together. It's so easy to get caught up in trying to keep on top of things, I end up giving out more, shouting a little louder, growing that bit more anxious.
He can lead what we do and I'm going to soak up every minute of my time with him. I'll still do some bits and pieces but they will be a second thought. I don't want to spend our weekend with him being told to wait until I finish such and such a thing. He deserves that time and attention. 

While I may been able to bring myself to a matter of fact way of thinking, he can't, he's only little and as much as loves spending time with his Grandparents, cousins and Aunty he loves having his Mum and Dad around. 

I'm all for getting on with life and having a "that's just the way things are for now" attitude and powering through but sometimes you have to stand back and break ranks. Take time out, forget what needs to be done and just do what I want to do, those things will still be there when I am ready to tackle them. Sometimes I just need to focus on me and my little one, engage with him on higher than usual level, give him my undivided attention, pull his security blanket in around him that little bit tighter, his Mum and Dad being that security blanket. 
Sometimes I just need to stop our busy little world and take us off to sit back and just enjoy each other.


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