Tuesday, 1 January 2019

Hello 2019...Good Riddance 2018

Here we are - Day 1 of 2019. 

I rang in the new year quietly, at home with my sleeping boy and the dog on my lap because he was afraid of the fireworks going off in the estate, the OH unfortunately was stuck at work. We never do anything for New Years anyway, I always like to ring it in quietly with family around me. Earlier in the evening we had all (sister + partner, nieces, god son etc) gone to my parents house for a get together, it was lovely, noisy but lovely.

So like a lot of you I'm sure, I've been thinking about the year ahead while reflecting on the year that's gone by.
What did I learn in 2018 that can improve this new year?
What does 2019 mean for me?

Well, let's start with 2018 - it was a tough year on a different level than before. Nothing huge happened but it was a year where, we as our family of 3, felt everything get on top of us, like the last couple of years of stress and busyness all came to a head and when that happens something has got to give. 
Anxiety levels hit the roof, over thinking, constantly worrying - almost like being stuck in a pressure cooker.
And we did blow and for a while I genuinely couldn't see any way for things to get better. All the plans we'd made for 2018 didn't work out, work took even more precedence than usual but things did get better, it was hard but we stayed hopeful and eventually just towards the end of the year things were slowly beginning to fall into place. 

This year I felt I lost myself for a little while, I found myself questioning and doubting myself way more than I would have before, I found myself letting other people's opinions bother me which is not me, I've always gone against the grain a bit I suppose you could say, I'm usually that person in the room with the different opinion to other 5 people there. I allowed the negative energies of others to seep into my life and once you let that happen it can be hard to get rid of them again.

I was really looking forward to the Christmas break to regroup and work on that, work on protecting myself from others a bit more. I'm a bit of an open book you see, I'll talk to you about anything really but I've learned this year that some people don't deserve that openness, that rawness I guess, when they don't respect it, even worse when it's used against you at a later stage. 

So that brings me to some of my aims for 2019 - this year I need to protect myself a bit more, keep a bit back. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but their opinion should not negatively affect my life. I will sit and chat and debate with anyone on anything but it needs to be respectful at all times and if you can't be then I'm afraid we won't be doing any chatting!

I intend to bring my main focus back to my family unit, my own circle of the OH, boy child and I. We've neglected our family unit for a while now because there was always something else that needed to be done, family days are pretty rare. Work is important, don't get me wrong, it pays the bills but it can't take priority over family anymore.

This year I need to work on my health, both physical and mental, I need to gain strength in both. As I said above, we blew and while things are on the up it's still a work in progress and that includes rebuilding that inner strength and resilience. For me, my most testing environment here will be my work place, I can't change that at the moment and honestly it's no great task to go in there every week, the job is easy, pay is ok etc but I need to learn to separate my private life from my work life, a clear divide and keep it that way. 

My social conscience and awareness were at an all time high in 2018, my eyes were opened to so many issues and injustices and I felt that I couldn't just sit back and sympathise but do nothing. This was most evident during the Repeal The 8th campaign. That campaign nearly broke me as I'm sure it did with a lot of others and there were points throughout the lead up to the referendum that I just wanted to hibernate until it was over and hope the right result was achieved but I just couldn't. I was so passionate about that campaign, I just couldn't give up and stand back and watch others try and win the Yes vote. I had to do it too. As tired as I was, as much as I dreaded the door knocks because of the unpredictable reactions, as wearing as it to constantly have to fight the lies and misinformation from the No side, I still had to do it. I walked miles while canvassing but met some fantastic people along the way and we all kept each other going and we did it, we achieved that Yes vote and hard work really pays off.

2019 brings a lot of exciting opportunities for us and we already have a few things planned but most importantly for me will be the local elections for county council in May. I have been selected as a candidate, I'm truly honoured to have been but I am incredibly nervous. Theres a lot more hard work to do for that yet but I am ready for the challenge and I hope the people in my area get behind me and allow me the chance to be a new face on the scene and hopefully make some positive changes for our area. I am genuinely, really looking forward to it all. 

I hope 2019 brings you everything you've ever hoped for and more.
Happy New Year To You All

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